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itsjustbecca

Still Breathing.

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love

Fading Colors

This isn’t going to last.

Please, don’t drown yourself in the past.

Know that you’re strong.

You have to carry on.

Create yourself into something new.

This life is yours to choose.

Today is just a step.

You’re not quite there yet.

 

I’ll help pick up the pieces,

If you promise to fight through this.

Don’t give in tonight.

Get up and make it right.

You’re worth it.

 

You’re beautiful in every single way.

It will never matter what they say.

There won’t be a need to scream and shout,

Because inside and out,

You’re better than they could ever be.

And I hope one day you’ll see,

The amazing person you’ve become.

You’ll find the war’s already been won.

When you feel like you’re about to cave,

Just keep in mind that you are brave.

 

You’re beautiful in every way,

And beautiful is just how you’ll stay.

 

Copyright © 2016 itsjustbecca All Rights Reserved

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Life With My Baby Boy

Looking around, I spy crackers crunched up and slipped under the rug, along with a trail of toy-town destruction. Toys that, mind you, I couldn’t even find before playtime. It seems as my son’s energy force grows, mine weakens. Some days I just want to rip my hair out. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Watching the personality blossom in my Baby Man starts establishing a feeling of uselessness. He’s become so independent so quickly. By five months, he slept through the night on his own; he doesn’t even have to be lulled. I almost forget how fragile and tiny he was an extremely short year ago. The first two months of nothing but tears (mostly my own). Waiting to see what color his eyes and hair were going to turn. My delicate little being that fit so perfectly into my arms is already about half my height and all of his daddy’s attitude.

Even now, Baby Man is staring at me with a toothy, chubby-cheeked grin. Calling me “Dada” because, of course, everyone is Dada. When we try to get him to say “Mama,” he corrects us.

“Will you say ‘Mama?'”

“Dada.”

“Mama mama.”

“Dada dada.”

“MAAA-MAAA.”

“DAAA-DAAA.”

He doesn’t understand what’s so funny, but he laughs with us regardless.

He makes my heart swell every time I look at him. And every time he looks back at me, I fall in love all over again. He makes every heartache, every tear, and every sore muscle worth the struggle.

Copyright © 2016 itsjustbecca All Rights Reserved

Hey

I can’t tell you what exactly I’m expecting to get out of this. A sense of release, maybe. Sharing my experiences and hoping someone gets it. To be honest, I’ve lost the connection I once had with myself. Looking back on my life just three years ago, everything has changed.

My first step as a high school graduate turned into a leap. I wanted the world, and I intended to get it. Music was all I had at the time. It fueled me. It’s all I ever dreamed about. I got a part-time job in fast food to try to fund myself, but of course, I was in way over my head. That fire died quickly when reality hit and I realized I didn’t have the money or support to get anywhere in a music career. Keeping that job wasn’t a waste, though. I met the man who a year later became my husband and the father of our beautiful son. They keep me going.

The last couple of years have sped past me in a blur of tears and unexpected “adult-life” trials.  It’s been gruesome, and it’s taken its toll on me. I can’t deny that. I’m exhausted. Physically, mentally, emotionally. Some days I feel like I can’t even stand up, let alone function properly.

Now I’m here, holding on to whatever desire I have left to be the person I was. Creative. Productive. Inspired. I want to rekindle the fire I once had in my heart.

I wanna take back my life.

 

Copyright © 2016 itsjustbecca All Rights Reserved

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